Pervert of the month

And the prize goes to: Isabella Rossellini.

Let me begin this with a story. I love learning things...it's sick. So it is not surprising when I decide to read up on something completely random. The other day, I decided that I'd learn about how spiders mate...I typed in Google and I got this: Green Porno. I was piqued. So I clicked it.

Okay, so I'm a little late to the Green Porno party. But what I lack in punctuality I more than make up for in enthusiasm for these warped short films. Isabella “Put Your Disease in Me” Rossellini outdoes herself (and actually does herself) in this eight-part series about the sex lives of various insects, arachnids and mollusks. Produced by Sundance expressly for smaller digital screens (computers, cell phones, etc) the whole series is just dirty, filthy, good clean fun. Try to imagine a Children’s Television Workshop-produced interpretation of that transcendently horrible "pterodactyl pr0n" and you’ll be somewhere in the ballpark. But not really.

But seriously, enjoy....I know that I think this is the awesomeness of idility.

Carousel

It's Friday! woo! I'm very very happy that it's Friday. It's been a long week for me and frankly Friday is the day to celebrate the release! Carousel is a little bit different today, but I think you'll like it anyway.

You blew your shot with Saint Peter when you blew Peter Saint. But hey, no worries. You can save your soul online at reserveaspotinheaven.com. For less than the cost of a couple of cocktails, you'll get a certificate of reservation, registered in the Book of Light; a first class ticket to paradise (why climb stairs when you can fly?); an official ID card; and the heaven 101 mini informational guide (find out what's really behind those pearly gates). A few more bucks and you'll have VIP access to the Big Guy and a pass that gets you to the Land of Milk and Honey as well as Thug Mansion, where the cool angels hang.

Got enemies? Ensure they burn for all eternity; sign them up for one-way tickets to firey damnation at reserveaspotinhell.com. Sound familiar? well they do to me...oh that's right, we've played this game before; indulgences.

For those of you in DC, I have found the deli shop! It's a great gourmet shop and I stumbled upon it (don't ask me how) the other day. The owner, Steve Gatward came stateside to set up a new shop after selling gourmet meat in the UK and Australia. It gets daily deliveries from regional producers (Amish sausages from Pennsylvania, anyone?). And Gatward is happy to oblige special requests (hungry for ostrich?) with a day's notice, and grind beef to order for burgers. The store also stocks marinades, mustards and sauces along with striped butchers' aprons from England. Go ahead and pair your feast with Napa's best pinot. It's called "Let's Meat on the avenue" 2403 Mount Vernon Avenue, at oxford Avenue, Alexandria (703-684-6328).

I have been craving a vacation, and today I indulged in my fantasy of the perfect Caribbean vacation. There are so many options, but here is one.

Let me tell you, Nicaragua is the New Costa Rica; gorgeous beaches, adventure activities and a killer exchange rate...(I don't necessarily agree wit their politics though). Now you won't find five-star resorts or boutiques, but you will find $10 meals, and $60 beachfront rooms. And if you prize getting there before the crowds while getting away from it all, you've arrived.

So you arrive in Managua and turn around: You'll want to catch the first tiny plane off the mainland. The Corn Islands, off the Atlantic coast, are two of the last bits of unspoiled paradise in the Caribbean.

The culture in Big Corn is more Nicaraguan local than European backpacker. You'll want to zip around in a $1 taxi to waterfront bars and homey restaurants. The islands' most luxurious hotel (king-size beds, infinity pool) is Casa Canada. Relax with a cold Tona (the national beer) and a $10 lobster at Anastasia's on the sea, the only over-water restaurant on the islands.

If the bustle of the Big Corn island is too much, take the 30 minutes roller-coaster boat ride to Little Corn island - and leave civilization behind. Casa Iguana is a neo-hippie resort with beachfront cabanas, board games, and hammocks galore. Kick back on the deck to watch the sunset or join a communal dinner in the no shoes allowed restaurant. Prefer to keep your sandals on? The veranda-fronted rooms at Hotel Los Delfines may look a little dated (dig the mirrored headboard) but they have all the creature comforts right in the heart of downtown (such as one exists).

For an island only one mile square, little corn offers a surprising variety of food.Credit Euro expat hoteliers, like the Italians at bio farm Farm Peace & Love and the French and the Spanish at Ensuenos. The best eatery, Habana Libre (+505-848-5412), Serves authentic Cuban food with the fastest service in the country. Order the slow-roasted pork in advance.

If you tire of the many white beaches (the best are on the north end) go underwater with a snorkeling or scuba trip. Dolphin Dive can help you explore the local reefs and spot giant turtles. Not so aquatic? Hit the dirt dance floor at the Happy Hut reggae club and try the Nicaraguan version of bottle service; coca-cola and a bottle of Flor de Cana rum for about $5.

A bathing suit and a good book aside, you won't need much on the Corn Islands, but bring plenty of cash - there are no ATMs. But with prices so low, you can afford to say an extra day or two.

Movie dream

There’s a new movie coming out with Eiko Ishioka's Costume design in it! I can't tell you how much I love Eiko Ishioka's designs...they are always unique and I find them immensely inspiring. The film is directed by Tarsem, who previously collaborated with Ishioka on the movie The Cell.

Events take place in a 1915 hospital, where a bedridden patient befriends a little girl with a broken arm and offers to tell her an adventure story about five men - an Indian adventurer, an African ex-slave, a masked bandit, an Italian bombmaker, and Charles Darwin (what? yes!). The girl is enthralled by the exotic tale, and waits eagerly for every new chapter. But the storyteller, a broken man emotionally and physically, has a dark motive for telling the tale: he wants her to steal something at the hospital in exchange for the story’s conclusion. Here is the trailer:



I did a quick Google search on when the film is coming out: nothing. I did a search for it on IMDB, and learned that it was completed in 2006. Hmm. That’s when I started digging into the YouTube comments. One guy writes that he saw it at a private screening in LA a week ago, and that they asked the audience to critique for the purpose of determining whether it will go on the big screen or on DVD. Another person writes that they have not yet found a distributor. And then there is this comment by Khan Higou:

"I spent a year working on post-production of this movie (in Paris);
I know every single image of this feature and believe me, it IS beautiful for
sure. And you Americans are not lucky about this independent movie
(self-produced, directed, even self-distributed, no big studio logo in front of
this trailer, did you notice…) ’cause I heard it has been rated R in the US; a
way to punish Tarsem everybody thinks here ’cause the movie is not that
violent"

Further research turned up one review that indicates that the film has not been sold for distribution due to scathing reviews at the Toronto Film Fetival. The reviewer writes that Zoe Bell (Death Proof) was the president of the jury that year. “(She was) seated two seats away from me quite enjoyed at least from what I could get from her reactions to the film while it was being shown.” Maybe she didn’t like it so much after all.

Maybe the ending is a little predictable, I admit the cell in terms of plot was pretty crappy...it was a bad movie...but seriously but the visuals look stunning! I want to see this - and I want to love it.

Carousel??????

Unfortunately today my dearests, there is no carousel. My links do not seem to be working, so I will have to fix that later. But, I have something else for you. A mission! Lately, as many of you know, I've been going through a strange phase where I have to make something. Well now it's your turn. Your mission this weekend is to make a time capsule. A time capsule (in case you didn't know) is a container (any container), full of odds and ends that you think represent you, your "time", or your generation. Actually it can really be anything. But, all time capsules are sealed for a certain amount of time, to be opened on some later date. You can open it, your children can open it...anyone can open it. It will be a connection from the past. Or as I like to view it a modern day treasure hunt YARR!

So....go on....make yours. Tell me what you put in it, or send me pictures and I'll post them up. Enjoy! You have your mission!

This screen will self-destruct in:

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Living between Wednesdays

I stole this title from another blog that I've been reading (it's called Living between wednesdays.blogspot.com) and I have to admit that it's quite appropriate. Wednesdays, more commonly known as hump days, are in-between-days. You're not quite at the end of the week, and you're not quite at the beginning either. For me it can be one of the most challenging days. Anyway, today I came into the office and Lo! I find material that I just had to share...for all you others pushing through the hump.

Ok, I know. Everyone and their granny has already blogged about this, but I just gotta chime in to quickly say that Garfield Minus Garfield is the most unexpected riot. Some old sage dude said something along the lines of "the greatest truths are the simplest, so likewise are the greatest men" and that tenet definitely applies here:

"Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the

Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about

schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern

life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a

journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as

he fights a losing battle against loneliness and methamphetamine

addiction in a quiet American suburb"

It's a shame that any attempt to make a Garfield Minus Garfield day-to-day calender would be cockblocked by copyright litigation. Hey I generally loathe day calendars. But seriously, I'd consider having an excuse to purchase and read the paper version of Garfield Minus Garfield every gosh darn day.

Carousel!

Yay! It's the end of the week. Let me tell you, I am excited about it. It has been a very very long week for me and now that I can somewhat breathe, I can enjoy my weekend. As such, I'm starting it with a kooky selection of carousel works for you.

Thanks to my job, I have been working very closely with facebook applications (unfortunately I cannot tell you what applications I am making). Now, I'm not a financial analyst, but if I had to point out the one Achilles Heel of Facebook, it's this:
Brands can basically advertise for free on the site by creating "applications" that ostensibly function as ads.

Witness the "TopShop Fashion Fix" application, where every time you click, a new stream of TopShop outfits are unloaded onto your screen - then you vote on your favorites, and challenge your friends to do the same. There are hundreds of others, but the latest is particularly interesting: The Louis Vuitton application.

You send Louis Vuitton "gifts" to your friends - basically just graphics of expensive and very branded LV merchandise - then wait for them to do the same thing back to you. The more "gifts" you get, the more Louis Vuitton stuff appears on your profile - and the more "gifts" you send, the more new "merchandise" you're allowed to preview.

Setting up this application probably cost the Louis Vuitton people $5000 - assuming they hired an outside techie and didn't get the LVMH in-house computer team to design it. Meanwhile, they'll make hundreds of thousands of virtual dollars back in brand extension, product placement, and the priceless experience of getting young men and women to interact with their brand, even if they're not setting foot in an LV boutique.

I'd go so far as to say Facebook is losing money by allowing branded applications to exist on its network. But whatever, as long as I can play facebook stalk, I don't really care.

This weekend, Variety ran a smirky story, about Sacha Baron Cohen, the artist formerly known as Borat (and also Ali G, yo!), whose latest prank is playing Bruno, a flamboyantly gay fashion reporter from an unknown chiffon wonderland.

According to the Hollywood trade paper, several odd incidents involving a foreign fashion writer have been written up in local crime logs and also reported by regional Associated Press bureaus. Looks like he's got everyone fooled, though it's not like he's made a trip to Fashion Week. Meanwhile, I am hoping that Borat's wife, Isla Fisher, is part of this whole practical joke, and that's why she's wearing the stupidest outfit ever for her next movie, Shopaholic. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be a prank.

Quote du-jour: "If she comes past the shop, hopefully she'll just keep walking...I don't really covet that sort of thing." - Alexander McQueen, on Paris Hilton

In Bold political moves, Tanzanian president condemns witch doctors for harvesting albino body parts.

Eight sex myths….interesting.

Media lovefest with Obama continues: ABC goes to Iraq, finds the three soldiers who support Obama, and then declares military is supporting him for president. That’s some fine reporting there, Lou.

At a Maine high school, students will be required to complete 40 hours of community service, 10 hours a year, to graduate. “I don’t think we should have it at all. We have enough to handle”. Shut up, you whiny complaining people.

If you can’t sleep…why not listen to cold play, or read a book about celebrities.

Sect’s rights violated for sex-rights violations.

One of Japan’s top bloggers makes regular “meet the fans” tours. His website gets 50,000 hits a day…but he’s a cat.

The FBI leaves you alone in the interrogation room. Do you A) Keep quiet? B) Ask for a lawyer? Or C) scream at your accomplice for messing up the plan? (with video goodness).

Bulk purchase of eggs and ketchup by persons under 18 years of age banned by Nanny State town to prevent “anti-social behavior”.

State senator gets a speeding ticket in a school zone the same day that he proposes legislation to increase the fine for speeding in a school zone. Oops!

The next bond…Latin America + Emo + self-stunts?

Schoolgirl says she was beaten up over her anti-illegal-immigration poster. School surveillance tape shows her beating herself up.

Carousel

Hello! welcome to the last day of the week where you can go home tonight and do whatever it is that you want to do! I have some things to keep you occupied...enjoy!

An apple a day makes Hermes Ok? I really do eat an apple every day, or at least some form of round fruit. But I usually just throw it in the depths of my bag and hope it's still ok when I go searching for it at three in the afternoon. Hermès doesn't think that's a great idea. In fact, they've gone so far as to develop a separate purse for my apple. They’ve just launched a new section on their website called, “travel the world of hermes”. You can watch videos, (some awkward but some with very good looking people), read illustrated storybooks and watch the computer add color to a blank silk scarf.

As you can see the slideshow below displays the granny-smith-apple-green, lambskin apple holder with stainless steel lining. And of course it comes with a horn-handled knife for snack time. A little apple shoulder purse might be adorable for a 12 year old’s allowance, but I’m guessing that this is just a bit out of an adolescent’s price range….and mine.

The Saudi king says: Let’s get Arab Muslims, Jews and Christians together in Riyadh and peacefully talk about God. Saudi top religious figure replies: Sure, but no Jews.

Police nab burglar playing dead at funeral home.

London marathon runners warned that, although they are allowed to carry a shield and a spear, they are not allowed to use them to hunt any cows they come across.

Kennedy had a stadium named after him. Reagan has an airport. Where will Bush have his name emblazoned? In San Francisco, it looks like that honor will go to a sewage plant.

Police investigating complains that a man placed a “get off my lawn” device on his home. And simply because I love you all, I have the clip right here too:

Man tries to cash check at bank, check bounces. Man decides the logical next step is to rob the bank.

After a traffic stop, police officers call registered owner of a car for verification. Owner promptly calls back and tries to buy crack.

She apparently talks to animals…it’s amazing what you hear when you’re connected to animals’ brainwaves. I wonder what my dog would say.

Interviews with billionaire publishers are generally pretty boring- until one starts talking about his fondness for whores, his crack addiction, and then confesses to killing a man.

Man discovers that “pretty” lady is a “strong” male. Pays him to leave. Also discovers his cell phone’s missing. Goes to cops to lay charges. Then it gets weird.

Man believes dead wife is contacting him from beyond the grave…on her mobile phone. She calls him, calls him anytime, calls him any day or night. Calls him…he’s a Blondie fan too

Problem: thieves are stealing flowers from graves
Solution: install a surveillance camera
New Problem: thieves steal surveillance camera

I was looking at a magazine the other day and I saw a beautiful picture of a flashy model, who was giving me the gorgeous model stare through the camera lens. And then I scrolled down....

Seriously? Does france have an april fool's day? Crocs? I find those about as sexy as the burger king in a bikini...no thank you.

A quote: "If I gain more than two or three pounds, like I have right now, I’m going to eat vegetables tonight. I don’t ever cut out vodka and tonics. My trick is that if I eat vegetables at night three or four days in a row, I quickly snap back to my ideal weight." --Tom Ford to Prestige magazine.

I wish it was a joke...but it's not. Giorgio Armani (yes boys the one that makes Armani suites) makes roller skates now.
1. If any designer's making roller saktes- shouldn't it be Heatherette?

2. The new business plan - the one where he refrains from sticking his name and logo on everything in order to re-establish himself as a luxury instead of mass market brand- was introduced less than six months ago. So has it not started yet or did they just ditch the idea?

3. Why don't they come collaged with pictures of Beckham rocking his Armani briefs?

4. Does Giorgio himself roller skate through the streets of Milan? Because I would love to see that.
5. Who, exactly, is the target consumer for this $425 product? I'm dying to know.

I recently was wandering accross the art section of the Web (and by that I mean just looking through the galleries at various museums) and came accross this one at the National Museum of Modern Art in Tokyo. I was floored, immediately. It's called Women Observing Stars. It was made in 1936 by Chou Ota, a Japanese artist. Not only for the time was it strange for anyone in Japan but a scientist to have access to a telescope, but the presence of a teleschope in such a traditionally-executed piece was remarkable enough; it's an inflitrator. Hard geometric lines clash with soft, flowing figures. But it was the main observer's fixed gaze that drew me in. Hands firmly gripping the mechanism, she seems completely removed from teh rest of the grou, lost in the starts, so to speak. I love it. You should too:

This game is maddening. I love playing it though. It’s not hard, but see how far YOU can go.

Acno's Energizer Help Acno clear a level by moving the balls into the energizer.

Play this free game now!!

Carousel!

It's friday! here are some things to read and keep you busy. Besides who really works friday? ;)

Son hires stripper to dance for his father’s funeral

What happens when Medicare covers Viagra? Two 93 year old men arrested for soliciting undercover cop for sex

“My two-year-old daughter loves to drink alcohol-free beer. What consequences can that have?”

Scottish photographer awarded his weight in whiskey… literally

If the police come to your door to serve you summons for a mental health examination…attacking them may not be such a good idea

Woman crashes car after trying to answer phone…manages to save her coffee

Are you tougher than a fifth-grade girl? Depends on who’s holding the taser eh?

Porn-idol? Weekend-Long $4000 a head “porn camp” comes to Tampa Bay

Berlin zoo faces charges for “animal disappearances”, as a Taco Bell opens up next door

Ouch! TSA officers force woman to remove nipple rings

This is why you don’t get rat dogs

Playboy will soon premiere Playboy Philippines, but the magazine won’t have any frontal nudity. We have the same magazine in the US except here it’s called the sears catalog

So I was busy reading lots and lots about the various things that they have in makeup and how they make “makeup” and I have to admit…I’m a little skeptical about makeup now.

1. Sometimes, lipstick contains crushed beetles.
2. Sometimes, perfume contains whale puke (sort of.)

3. Sometimes the most expensive perfumes contain a note called “civet” which in reality should be called what it is. A French perfume ingredient that comes from the anal gland of the civet cat. Yes. And just an example? Chanel No. 5….gasp.

You've been sleeping around

On the topic of travel! I want to go to these as well! Enjoy a sort of mini carousel.I’ve spent the night in some mighty sketchy beds. Who are you to judge? Or deny, for that matter. In fact, I’m happy to up your ante with even stranger places to lay your head.

You won’t mind being a pod person at Whitepod, a tented Alpine ecoresort where you can ski or hike or just be. The single- or double-occupancy tents feature wood-burning stoves and organic bedding. This is Switzerland, after all.

Bond with nature in a deep way at Kokopelli’s Cave Bed & Breakfast, a one-bedroom cave carved 70 feet underground in 65 million year old stone. Why would you do this? Those views of Mesa Verde and the Four Corners sure are nice.

If you’d rather go up than down, climb 50 feet to your very own Mount Rainier tree house. How else do you expect to have morning coffee with the eagles?

It’s a mad, floating beach house when you invite a dozen pallies to bunker down on Lake Mead or Lake Powell with Forever Houseboats. (As far as I’m concerned, “pleasure Cove Marina” says it all...yaaaarrrr!)

Lone Ranger with your Tonto in an Alberta tipi. You get 350 square feet of solar-heated water and electricity. But what are you doing inside with those amazing plains right outside?

You got the band back together, uploaded tracks to Facebook, and sweat through a new tat. You’re ready to hit the road in a luxury tour bus that sleeps up to twelve. That’s plenty o’ room for the groupies.

What do you guys think?