What to say (and not say) in a date

So I’ve been getting a lot of people asking me what to say and what not to say to someone that they’re interested in. I’ll be honest; it’s very difficult to tell you absolute truths with this because every single person is different. However, I was sent a suggestion from one of you asking me if this article was correct. It’s an article from the MSN homepage that says “What not to say or do in the presence of a woman”. I’ll give you my thoughts on it.

1. Don’t reveal how much your car cost. This is true for me. I may not be a mechanic, but I can tell when a car cost a lot a when a car doesn’t. If you have a nice car, you have a nice car. There’s no reason to boast about it, because frankly I don’t care. It makes you seem like you’re trying so hard to impress me with money…you may very well be, but simply showing me your expensive car is enough…and you get points for not being arrogant about it. Also, why draw attention to your car? We’re on a date with you, not with your car.

2. Don’t clean your gun. This is a half truth. On the first date, yeah it may not be such a good idea. You come off as a little bit psycho. But…if you do own a gun, be sure you tell the girl on the first date. How would you like to be really into a girl, and then she suddenly shouts “ha ha I’m a man!”. It’s not necessarily the same thing here, but what if she doesn’t like guns…she would get the same reaction. If she doesn’t mind, perhaps you could show her how to clean it on another date. Base line, just don’t do it on your first date.

3. Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed). True.

4. Refer to your mother as your best friend. True.

5. Rap. Unless you’re at karaoke, or trying to make us laugh, true.

6. Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter. Do it without us noticing (if you must), because nothing is more annoying than trying to impress someone, when they’re too busy checking someone else out.

7. Question our footwear. True. If we are regretting our decision, don’t rub our face in it.

8. Blow-dry your hair. Meh, it’s not so bad…so long as you don’t take longer than we do.

9. Tip less than 20 percent. Most of us, at some point, have been a waitress and know what it’s like. Show some class, and be nice...unless the service was really really bad.

10. Celebrity impressions. They can be kinda grating.

11. Impressions of us. True.

12. Forget to carry cash. True.

13. Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will give us the impression that it’s just an appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction. True.

14. Wii. Not true. I’ve had plenty of times where this was a lot of fun. But not recommended for the frist date, and if you do show her your wii…let it be something she can do too.

15. Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Bill Belichick. True, no matter how much that person/thing deserves it, when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for.

16. Talk about former exploits. Ever. Some girls find this true. I personally don’t care. You wouldn’t be on a date with me if you didn’t like me a little bit. So long as you don’t go into so many details. The time you’re entering the danger zone is if you start comparing me and them. Example: No- I used to date a girl that liked me to pull her hair. Yes- I used to date someone that was a vegetarian. No- My last girlfriend didn’t eat fish like you do.

17. Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore. True, unless referring to another man.

18. Tell us you're going to kiss us. Not true. Women like mystery and the whole, dark and handsome stranger thing. Be a man and go for it. But if she pulls away, back off immediately and apologize. Also, remember, a kiss is a kiss…tonsil hockey is tonsil hockey…learn the difference.

Weekend Review

Bonjour! well how was everyone's weekend? Mine was full of action. However... I unfortunately don't have any pictures (something I plan to remedy). But I will tell you anyway how it went.

Friday 3-28
I was supposed to go out with my sister today. Except that I had forgotten that I had promised a dinner with R & B Lo. Just to give you a description, these two are an old married couple that have been together for about 30 years (or more...I can never remember) and are the epitome of what I'd like to be when I grow up. They still love having fun and do so much with the last few years of their life together. Anytime I have an opportunity to see them I jump at it, because I find them in a sense...inspirational. I often don't know what to say to them, because they are very intelligent and it's daunting sometimes to think that nothing you could tell them would ever be a surprise because they've done so much already. But anyway, I enjoyed my dinner with them (which was a delicious Mango chicken plate), at Clyde's restaurant.

Afterwards, I hoped into bed for a pre-party nap. If you have never taken a pre-party nap...I suggest that you try it. Especially if, like me, you work yourself to death trying to get up early and accomplish all that you want to accomplish. Pre-party naps are a small moment in nirvana to gather energy for the rest of the night. Let me tell you, they help... a lot. I've gone to parties where I haven't had a pre-party nap...and I'm dying to get into bed by the time the party actually gets started. No more with naps! I can now stay up as late as 5 am, which I haven't been able to do since my wild wild never-ending party days. The party was a lot of fun, everyone was enjoying themselves and I got to see people that I haven't seen in a healthy distance time (which to me is about two weeks or so). There were plenty of "Stripz" (I'll write about that in a moment), and lots of fun to go around.

Saturday 3-29
Yes, as usual, I cleaned up my house. It desperately needed it (since I had been in the habit of just collapsing on my bed the moment I got home). Nothing new, but a good review of excellent Chinese delivery.

Sunday 3.30
I was planning to originally go to the cherry blossom festival...but I noticed just how many tourists there really were out there. It was a pain to get anywhere, so I decided instead to book my weekend with a few of my friends and go to the Holocaust museum. Danearys endorses the Holocaust museum. Very original and moving you get to see much more than you thought you would be. However....despite the creative layout of the museum (which makes the hours go by with out you even noticing), they did not do such a good job with designing how it would be with crowds. It was pretty hard to get to read the various signs and watch some of the movies, because you were constantly pushing your way just to see them. Not to mention, I was a bit embittered with the attitudes of some of the people there. I heard comments like: "Look....he's soooo skinny". On numerous occasions I wanted to turn around and shout at them with a sarcastic comment, such as "Well let me put you on a diet of work and air and see how you look like in a month". I know I'm going to sound mean for this, but seriously? Have some respect. There were also plenty of young girls gabbing away on their cellphones talking about their new shoes, just as they were passing signs of "Please turn off your cell phone" Plus...when I'm trying to read about the Nazi invasion of France, I don't really want to hear about "[insert name] making out with [insert name] at homecoming". Plus it's a little unnerving to be watching a video about how the allied forces liberated camps and came to scenes of bodies burned and piled high when someone's obnoxious cell phone rings off to "Shake that ass for me".

Other than that, it was a moving and compelling slice of history. Never again, is what I say. After that I went home and made some Easter eggs...just to make myself feel better. I'll post pictures as soon as possible. How was your weekend? Please do share

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It's friday! here are some things to read and keep you busy. Besides who really works friday? ;)

Son hires stripper to dance for his father’s funeral

What happens when Medicare covers Viagra? Two 93 year old men arrested for soliciting undercover cop for sex

“My two-year-old daughter loves to drink alcohol-free beer. What consequences can that have?”

Scottish photographer awarded his weight in whiskey… literally

If the police come to your door to serve you summons for a mental health examination…attacking them may not be such a good idea

Woman crashes car after trying to answer phone…manages to save her coffee

Are you tougher than a fifth-grade girl? Depends on who’s holding the taser eh?

Porn-idol? Weekend-Long $4000 a head “porn camp” comes to Tampa Bay

Berlin zoo faces charges for “animal disappearances”, as a Taco Bell opens up next door

Ouch! TSA officers force woman to remove nipple rings

This is why you don’t get rat dogs

Playboy will soon premiere Playboy Philippines, but the magazine won’t have any frontal nudity. We have the same magazine in the US except here it’s called the sears catalog

So I was busy reading lots and lots about the various things that they have in makeup and how they make “makeup” and I have to admit…I’m a little skeptical about makeup now.

1. Sometimes, lipstick contains crushed beetles.
2. Sometimes, perfume contains whale puke (sort of.)

3. Sometimes the most expensive perfumes contain a note called “civet” which in reality should be called what it is. A French perfume ingredient that comes from the anal gland of the civet cat. Yes. And just an example? Chanel No. 5….gasp.

Things I love Thursday

My new Book "I Pierre Riviere having slaughtered my mother, my sister, and my brother". It's fascinating to be honest, all about how criminal law is applied today because of actions in cases like this one, which took place in the 19th century. I highly recommend it.

My coworker recently stuck his neck out for me, and I was very thankful and happy. He didn't need to do that, he just did it to be nice.

My little office plant is growing and is getting bigger.

People who taught me how to appreciate art, and the various styles out there. I don't like some things, but I can at least appreciate them.

My sister, who just seems to understand me without having to make it awkward.

Silk, the soy milk product. Soy milk does taste kinda "off" but it's not that bad if you add chocolate shakes to it.

The ability to relax in most places without loosing my mind.

Music. I've been searching for new music because I love having music to match whatever mood I'm in. Plus you can never have too much.

My "Avon" black cherry shower gel. It comes in a container that looks like a jam pot. AND not only does it smell like delicious cherries on a summer afternoon, but the gel itself has a texture to it, that is like JELLO! I love that! When I was little I used to dream in swimming of pools full of JELLO. This in a sense fulfills that.

Organizing my agenda- yes I am a geek.

Making plans for the weekend. I plan to do something interesting and fun. If not for my benefit, for yours as well. So we can swap stories later.

You've been sleeping around

On the topic of travel! I want to go to these as well! Enjoy a sort of mini carousel.I’ve spent the night in some mighty sketchy beds. Who are you to judge? Or deny, for that matter. In fact, I’m happy to up your ante with even stranger places to lay your head.

You won’t mind being a pod person at Whitepod, a tented Alpine ecoresort where you can ski or hike or just be. The single- or double-occupancy tents feature wood-burning stoves and organic bedding. This is Switzerland, after all.

Bond with nature in a deep way at Kokopelli’s Cave Bed & Breakfast, a one-bedroom cave carved 70 feet underground in 65 million year old stone. Why would you do this? Those views of Mesa Verde and the Four Corners sure are nice.

If you’d rather go up than down, climb 50 feet to your very own Mount Rainier tree house. How else do you expect to have morning coffee with the eagles?

It’s a mad, floating beach house when you invite a dozen pallies to bunker down on Lake Mead or Lake Powell with Forever Houseboats. (As far as I’m concerned, “pleasure Cove Marina” says it all...yaaaarrrr!)

Lone Ranger with your Tonto in an Alberta tipi. You get 350 square feet of solar-heated water and electricity. But what are you doing inside with those amazing plains right outside?

You got the band back together, uploaded tracks to Facebook, and sweat through a new tat. You’re ready to hit the road in a luxury tour bus that sleeps up to twelve. That’s plenty o’ room for the groupies.

What do you guys think?

Vacation dreams

I was sitting down yesterday on the metro thinking about all the things that I wanted to accomplish and what I wanted to do, when I saw a sign that read "where do you see yourself in 3 years?" It was an ad for an online school, but seriously it couldn't have been more appropriate. Life, the universe...whatever...was giving me a sign. So I started to thinking; where do I see myself in 3 years?

To be honest I don't know. I have a vague conception of what I want, but no real goal, or details. For example, a lot of my friends want to be married in three years, or starting a family. Granted a lot of my friends are older than I am, but not by much. I, personally, don't have that particular drive. I'm not ring hungry- nor am I baby hungry. I believe that I can wait for a while. This doesn't say I may not eventually have those things, but they are not in the forefront of my brain. So having established that I have life goals, but nothing specific I started narrowing down my thinking to something more tangible (and far less stressful)...where would I like to have vacationed in 3 years? Now that was something I could work with, and they are as follows.

I have many life-long travel goals and one of them is to travel the silk trail. I am fascinated by ancient trade routes, which is hardly surprising because I am enthralled by people and civilizations. While other little girls were wanting to be princesses (of the Disney version), I wanted to be a vampire princess of ancient Egypt. Strange? Perhaps. But I digress, I want to travel all the major trade routes, and one of the most infamous, is the silk trail. The silk trail is (also known as the Silk Road) is a series of trade and cultural routes connecting the Asian, European and African continents. Thousands of people across various periods of time have traveled through these routes ranging from religious pilgrims and monks, to soldiers, nomads, empires, and the very first hominids transgressing out of Africa to the rest of the world.

The trade routes extend over 5,000 miles on land and sea. It was a significant factor in the development of the great civilizations of China, Egypt, Mesopotamia, Persia, Indian subcontinent, and Rome, and has helped lay the foundations for the modern world (then again what hasn’t these days?). There are two main routes in the trail: the northern route and the southern route.

The northern route goes through the Chinese province of Gansu, and then splits into three routes. One passes north through the Taklimakan Desert (in Kyrgyzstan and Xingjian), to rejoin in Kashgar. The other, going north as well, shifts towards the Tien Shan Mountains, through Turfan, Talgar and Almaty (in Kazakhstan). All the routes join up in Kokand in the Fergana Valley, and across the Karakum Desert towards Merv, before joining the southern route for a short while. The northern route follows for a portion the Amu Darya River, and from here there are small tributaries to the silk trail that go through the Aral Sea, into the Crimean peninsula, around the Black Sea, through the Balkans and into Venice and Constantinople.

The southern route is mainly a single route running through northern India, into Mesopotamia and Anatolia. It runs south through the Sichuan Basin in China and crosses the high mountains into the northeastern part of India, following the ancient tea route. It then travels west along the Brahmaputra and Ganges river plains before passing through Pakistan and the Hindu Kush Mountains before joining the northern route (briefly) near Merv. It then follows a nearly straight line west through mountainous northern Iran and the northern tip of the Syrian Desert to the Levant. From here, Mediterranean trading ships plied regular routes to Italy, and North Africa.

Now if you were to follow the third trail, it’s only via sea, which passes through the Red River near modern Hanoi and into the Malacca Straits to Southeast Asia, Sri Lanka, and India before heading onto the Persian Gulf and the Red Sea. From the ports in Egypt there were other branches that led down the east African coast as far down as the delta of the Rufiji River in modern Tanzania.

It’s amazing how there is so much evidence of the silk trail being used before actual history records it. People in the Sahara imported domesticated (nonnative) animals from Asia between 6000 BC and 4000BC. Foreign artifacts dating to the 5th millennium BC in the Badarian culture of Egypt indicate contact with distant Syria. The gemstone Lapis Lazuli was being traded from its only known source in the ancient work-Badakshan (right now in northeastern Afghanistan) as far as Egypt, as well as Chinese jade and steatite plaque in Egypt.

A Major step in the opening the Silk Road between the East and West came with the expansion of Alexander the Great’s empire into Central Asia. It was then followed by the various roman and Persian empires, becoming most famous in the Mongol empire stage with explorers like Marco Polo. I don’t’ want to bore you with everything, but now you can see why I find it so fascinating, and why I want to go through this area. To be able to follow an ancient trail, in a completely different time era. It’s amazing.

Inspiration

I'm going through a creative standstill. Sometimes, I get this anxious feeling that I'm not creating enough, that I'm not doing anything to satisfy that side of me which demands for an outlet. Normally when I get these urges I close myself out of the world, and live in a hermitine state creating things. Unfortunately I can't do that anymore. Bills must be paid, and in order to pay for them I have to go to work, and at work I am both retracting away from that creative self, and coming face to face with people that don't really connect with that feeling. Anyway, this is not to say I don't think that people in my office are "below" my artistic values...they each are creative in their own way. But I am extraordinarily restless, and the right side of my brain is supplicating for release.

So, I try to do little things to quiet it down. I go online and look up random artists and topics; searching for inspiration. It was then that I came across an entire MySpace page devoted to the "bob" haircut. It's a french myspace that catalogues 1,428 images devoted to the bob hairstyle and its derivatives.

Looking through the images was like shaking a greyscale snowglobe of eyes, lips and hair angels into constant new configurations...a delightful experience that let me feeling awed and inspired. I wondered if I should be feeling a twing of guilt for ravenously going through what can be classified as "stolen images" - gathered from the web, scanned from magazines and even manipulated without credit. And then it hit me: I don't care.

Of course knowing the artists names would've been nice, but it may have been impossible to compile that information. I enjoyed the site anyway. Was that wrong? I guess it depends on where you think the line of theft gets crossed. Of all places, I've observed that the most embarrassing attitudes towards image theft come from within the alt photo/modeling scene. Every day on every networking site, people swap copyrighted photos for inspiration. It's become part of our culture. In reaction, I've seen many alt photographers and models sick their DMCA-fan army like a pack of attack dogs on any DeviantArt artist or naive foreign-language gothchick photo-swapping blog that gets "reported", and it has always left me feeling more sorry for the target than for the artist who's been "ripped off". I bet that at least at one point in their life, every artist has stumbled across an uncredited image they didn't pay for that affected their aesthetic sensibility. Well, it's time to give that to someone else; today's world just makes this process more transparent, and faced with this new visibility into the life cycle of their work, image owners freak out.

Obviously, it's wrong to steal a photo and proclaim yourself the subject or the photographer; still, I feel that humiliating these people (most of whom are just insecure 13 year olds) publicly should be beneath the image owner, and that a private email or website customer service alert should suffice. However, swiping images or complete art direction, as a means to financial gain is the least forgivable thing of all, and that's when I support the heavy-handed tactics.

Anyway, back to the bobsite. It's amazing; Enjoy! And if you're a photographer who ended up there, be happy. It's the residual effect of producing an iconic image. That fact alone -that it ends up in a place like this where people can find it and get inspired in turn -is something to be proud of.

Weekend Review

So, how was everyone's Easter weekend? Mine was pretty good actually. As follows:

Friday 3-21:
I have been having a rough time at work, with so many projects being loaded up on my plate. Somehow, I don't know how, I was able to stay on top of it. But by the time Friday came around I was so relieved. I went to a celebratory after work drinks session and scooted home for a quick nap before letting the mistress of the night take over. I ended up going to a party at a friends house that was "invites only". The party wasn't that bad but the only issue was that so many people there knew each other, there was not much of a challenge. Anyway, the other contention I had was that people kept changing the song. It was actually really annoying, just play a song and stick with it. If I had the patience I would have played DJ that night, but to be honest...I wasn't in the mood to be the DJ I was in the mood to be the dancer. Which I ended up doing anyway. Overall the party wasn't bad and I enjoyed myself. It felt good to get out and see people that I liked hanging out with.

Saturday 3-22:
Luckily I have learned when to stop at a party. So I went to bed only feeling moderately dizzy, and waking up feeling only slightly off-track. This of course meant that it was going to be a nice, relaxing day. So I watched movies galore (since I don't have a TV) and cut up things. I made some yummy chicken lemon-zest marinade...it was delicious. I've also started planning my new paintings. More updates soon.

Sunday 3-23:
Happy EASTER! I know that not everyone celebrates this, but I thought I would say happy Easter anyway. I didn't get to sleep in on this beautiful morning, because I had to get up early and go to Easter Mass with my family. It's one of the biggest times to go to church for Christians, and my mother really wanted me to go with her. So I woke up early, (despite having gone to bed the night before at around 3 in the morning), and headed over to Mass. It was a long service, but beautiful; I knew all the songs and we had a full ensemble of instruments. It was really very moving. Afterwards I had a long brunch with my family (as tradition dictates), which was a lot of fun. But since everyone is doing something on a holiday Sunday, I went to a BBQ after my brunch. Overall it was a delicious and bunny weekend.

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It's friday! Glorious! Also it's easter weekend, and may I state that I am thoughrly excited. I know that I don't get any days off, but it's still nice to celebrate. Well onward through the foliage no?

I wish I had these as a kid

AF money give away!: Right on the hells of news that A + F is doing very well financially, and that at least London will see the revival of the A + F Wuarterly, The New York Times reports some bad news for the brand- After donating $10 million dollars to Ohio's Columbus Children's Hospital for a new emergency department and trauma center, it turns out that the donation may be refused entirely because of urging from fifteen organizations including the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, Parents for Ethical Marketing and several doctors who work at the hospital. They argue that accepting the donation and naming the part of the hospital that would be gift from A+F (as they have in response to all other corporate sponsorships in the past) would send a "grievously wrong message" because of the advertising and clothing.
Not sure that it's so wise to refuse $10 million when ground on the new center is set to break this fall, but at the same time, I kinda see the coalition's point.

One thought - Why is no one talking about accepting the money without naming the wing after A+F?

Driving naked in Pennsylvania is one thing, but when it’s a 64-year old lady and it’s 9:00 in the morning that’s another.

It’s not really a news flash if two girls get into a fight in school. It becomes news when the police are involved…and the two girls are actually teachers

Officers are “left with no choice” but to shoot a crazy cow….cause god knows that if a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about

Romantics are always looking for ways to express their love, and sometimes a Hallmark card just isn’t good enough. When you can’t afford to buy something shiny, why not use spray paint?

Oh my god! Somebody said “slaves”

Teachers are increasingly being sued for damaging the self-esteem of their students

Strip club sign controversy: The naked woman can stay, but those flashing lights have to go. Please, think of the children!

Some people just….ok, if two strangers in a parking lot offer you a “large sum of money” in return for your savings account information, do not give it to them

Woman discovers that hiding her car keys in her cooch is not an effective way to avoid a DUI

According to a poll conducted by Debhenhams (the British version of Macy’s), Wonderbra and all pushup bras, are the greatest fashion invention ever. A spokesperson for the dept store called them a “weapon for millions of women across the world”, saying it beat out boot cut jeans and miniskirts because “there is no shame in faking the body beautiful” Really? What do you guys think?

West Yorkshire, England- Tasha wears a collar with a leash that her fiancé Dani holds when they are out walking together. For this reason, a bus driver has denied them service, saying “no dogs allowed”- and allegedly pushed them off the bus.

It’s ironic that he same land that gave us Siouxsie and Fat Bob is now one of the most dangerous, discriminatory European places for Goths to inhabit. Last year, 20 yr old goth girl Sophie Lancaster was beaten to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, wearing the wrong clothes. A goth guy collecting charity while dressed as Nosferatu was violently beaten by a group of up to seven, his prosthetic ears ripped off. These attacks, perpetuated by Yobs and/or Chavs, are one thing, but this kind of treatment by a public servant is something else entirely.

The story was covered by the Daily Mail, England’s more conservative, and rightwing newspaper. Some of the thread comments are rather hilarious. Here are my top 3…for various reasons:

He looks like a work-shy scrounger to me, get a job and pay your way.- Harry Basset, Whitby

Never mind walking the dog - with a figure like Tasha’s she’ll soon be on the catwalk.- Sarah, Belgium

If he was a gentleman goth, he would loan her his coat.- John, United Kingdom

Though I’m 100% with them, the couple gets points taken off for giving stupid quotes to the media. Don’t say “I am a pet” to a reporter for a mainstream news outlet. Just don’t.

And that is it mis amigos, enjoy the randomness of friday, and try to get out!

Things I love thursday

Thursdays: Its a chance for me to look back at what I have and be really really happy about it.

Equinox: Today is equinox, and its a start for new beginnings. They say that this is one of the few days that will dictate what you do for the rest of the year. Now, I take more of the approach that everyday you can change something, but sometimes it's nice to think you don't have to start everything new on "New Year's".

My black book: I'm always the sketchy looking person on the metro scribbling away in a notebook.

EFT: It's called tapping and I know it sounds crazy, but seriously it heps me. It's kinda like my mantra

My job: I know I'm incredibly grumpy, and I don't "bond" easily with people (despite the fact that I may like them just fine) ...but I'm happy with the people (for the most part) that I work with.

My little palm plant: I have no idea how this thing hasn't died yet. But he's still alive. In fact he's growing and I may need to transfer him to another "pot". That will probably be some monstrosity that I create from the plastic water cups that we have in the office.

My alcoholic image: There's a liquor store right beside my building, and sometimes i go in to get a bottle of wine before I go home and cook dinner. So it constantly looks like I have a private stash in my office. I'm sure it doesn't help either that the glasses I won for Christmas in the office sweepstakes are STILL in my office.

My charlie brown boss: He's awesome. And yes he looks like charlie brown. To an extent he even dresses like him. He almost always is wearing a sweater, jeans and a pair of nice round toed sneakers. He also has no hair. Sometimes he perfects this image by wearing this particular brown sweater that he has with an orange squiggle line in the middle, JUST like the cartoons!

Running into friends at a job fair: the other day I was the representative for my company at my college's job fair. It was interesting to be on the other side of the table. I ran into a lot of old friends, and seemed like quite the pop-star to my coworker.

The Secret to a Great Shine

I used to watch my dad all the time when he would shine his shoes in the morning. It was kind of a ritual for me. I'd fill up my bowl of cereal, walk over to the table, sit right next to him, turn on the radio to the news, and watch him shine his shoes. I loved it. I also learned a lot of tips. Even though I don't shine my own shoes (though I should), there aren't many girls out there that do. But I know a few things.

Why should you polish your shoes?
Remember how everyone says that first impressions are the most important? Well that's true, but did you also know that people absorb your entire image with your feet? Many people don't know this, but it's a subconscious thing. You could be wearing the best of the best, if your shoes look horrible, the entire image that you were wishing to present with wearing that "best" is gone. Out the window. Would you wear a dirty, wrinkled shirt to the office? No! So why would you do that with your shoes?

Polished shoes say something about a man (or woman), and studies have shown that dress and appearance has a major factor in perceived ability in the workplace. Dress and appearance is a major factor in a first impression, and that first impression is often the lasting impression. Polishing your shoes is a must when preparing for an interview!

It also saves you lots of money really, by protecting and extending the life of your shoes. Shoe polish is usually a wax or oil based product and a regular coat of polish will provide some waterproofing protection and keep dirt, oils, stains, and other substances from getting ingrained into the leather in your shoes. These things degrade the leather quality, and ultimately ruin the shoes.

Polishing also helps prevent scuffs and scrapes from ruining the leather, and can also have a moisturizing effect which also extends your shoe life. Untreated or unpolished leather shoes easily get scuffed, scraped, and will eventually dry out and crack.

Kinds of polish:
There are two kinds of shoe polish. Cream or paste, and wax. The first moisturizes fine leather and keeps it flexible. It soaks into the leather and allows it to breathe. They contain mineral oil though, which can help restore shoe color, but not a good idea for covering scuffs. Also if you touch your face afterwards, mineral oil tends to clog up pores so it can lead to break-outs.

The second kind shines leather better than cream, but often seals the leather and can cause it to dry out over time. But it is still the most effective for covering up scuffs, and giving that high shine.

Remember that there also liquid polishes out there. These put a fast shine on your shoe, but can often dry out and crack good leather.

How to polish:
I am basing this off of memory. So there may be a few missing pieces, but I'm pretty sure that I remember it exactly.

1. Wear clothes that you're not attached to.

2. lay down a layer of newspaper or a plastic garbage bag to prevent polish from getting on your work surface.

3. Brush away any dust, dirt, oils, or anything else.

4. Wipe the shoe, especially the heel and sole, with a cloth. If your shoes are really dirty, or if the shoes have stains, use a leather cleaner such as saddle soap. Ivory soap or Murphy's Oil soap also work. Apply the cleaner with a damp cloth (very little water), wipe it off and let them dry for five minutes before you start to shine them.

5. Make sure the polish matches the shoes. Neutral is the "color" for light colored shoes. Other colors may have to be matched by taking one of your shoes with you when you buy polish. Or you can ask your local shoe repairman what color is right.

6. Apply the polish with a soft, clean polishing rag; if you're really poor old socks will work fine. Wrap the corner of the cloth around your first and second fingers of your hand. Twist the remainder of the cloth to tighten the portion around your fingers and hold that part in the palm of your hand. You can also use a horsehair brush (dauber) instead of a cloth. They're available at shoe repair or drug stores. If you use a dauber, you'll need a different one for each color of polish you use. Even coffee filters can be used to apply shoe polish evenly.

7. Apply a small amount of polish in a circular motion. Pay special attention to cracks and scuffs, and be sure to cover the entire shoe. Allow the polish to dry for a few minutes before buffing the shoe. At this point, your shoe will have a very dull appearance. This is normal.

8. Next, grab your brush or a rag, and use quick light strokes to buff the polish. If you use a rag, be sure to use a thin, soft cloth and add a few drops of water, which will help in the buffing process. Another trick I've seen men use are wet cotton balls to get a mirror-like shine.

9. Liquid sole and edge dressing may be used to restore the edge of the soles

10. You should polish your shoes as needed. In between wearings, you should wipe off accumulated dust and dirt to keep them looking clean and new. You can also buff them with your shoe brush or rag to bring back the shine.

Now this is only for the "basic" shoe. Which is your office standard. For other shoes you need another way of polishing.

Cordovan shoes:
Real shell cordovan, made from horse hide, not just shoes that are burgundy color, need some special care. Neutral cream or paste polish tends to leave a white film on Cordovan leather. I would use cordovan color paste wax polish and not shoe cream. Though this is a little more expensive, it's worth it. Also beware that the shell cordovan creases are usually lighter, not darker, in color. Cordovan leather is vegetable tanned instead of the modern method of "chrome" tanning. Since cordovan leather already contains a large amount of oil/wax, the polishing requirements are different from calfskin.

1. Use a damp soft cloth for cleaning shell cordovan shoes. Do not clean cordovan shoes using saddle soap

2. Apply polish: Do not use "neutral" polish. Don't slather it on. The most common mistake in shining cordovan shoes is using too much polish. The excess polish creates a layer of build-up, which has three negative effects: a) it covers the natural beauty of the leather, b) it creates a grainy texture in the creases of the shoes, c) and the build-up of polish scuffs easily and attracts dust. To avoid these things, use only the thinnest film of polish when polishing your cordovan shoes. A Little goes a long way in this case.

3. Cordovan shoes don't need to polished as frequently. Most of the time all that you need to do is just brush and cloth them in order to remove scuffs and restore the shine. Do not attempt to clean cordovan shoes using petroleum distillates or cleaning fluids, and Do not use any spray shines or aerosol type waterproofs.

4. After the polish is applied, let it dry, then brush it off with a horsehair brush. Don't try to dry wet shell cordovan shoes with heat or a heater. Wipe them dry, and allow them to dry naturally. Do not attempt to polish shell cordovan shoes while wet. Contact with water can sometimes cause cordovan leather to form small raised areas called "welts" (tiny bumps). This is normal, and the welts will recede once the shoes are allowed to dry. Wipe the shoes dry as soon as convenient, and allow them to dry naturally.

5. wipe the final film of polish away with a soft buffing cloth. Spewing, a natural milky residue of wax will often form on new shell cordovan shoes. This is a normal residue from the tanning of the leather. Wipe it off with a soft cloth or brushing.

Here are some other ways of shoe care:
Exotic skins can be treated like calfskin, or with special conditioners that keep the leather from cracking. Take extra care when brushing to prevent scratching the surface.

Fabric shoes can be cleaned with a mild spray fabric cleaner. Let the cleaner dry to a powder and brush off the residue with a stiff brush. You can also use Woolite.

Suede can be cleaned with a clean soft brush (like a toothbrush), or you can buy special erasers called suede bars to remove stains and dirt. Raise the nap on suede by applying steam from a steam iron from about 10 inches away. Also special brass-bristle brushes are available to raise the nap after cleaning. A protective non-silicone finish (like Scotchgard) sprayed on new suede shoes will help repel water and stains.

Nubuck shoes (brushed leather similar to suede, but with a finer nap) are treated with water repellent. Use a suede bar

Patent leather can be cleaned with a damp cloth using lukewarm water and plain soap or Windex. Shine with a smooth soft cloth. Don’t get any of the fabric wet (like the ribbon bow).

Tips to remember for various conditions:
Wet shoes: If your shoes get wet, stuff them with terrycloth or paper towels, and let them dry away from direct heat at room temperature. Don’t polish your shoes while they are still wet.

Salt on shoes: Damaging white salt marks should be rinsed off immediately with a 50/50 mixture of white distilled vinegar and water. Wipe dry

Squeaky Shoes: the shoe’s soles may be breaking down due to the rubber or synthetic material, try replacing the soles preferably with leather. Or the shank, which is made of steel, is loose or defective. Some companies make their shanks out of leather. This is an easy replacement for your shoe repairman. Or the easiest the tongue may be rubbing where the shoes are laced – just apply saddle soap to reduce the friction.

Scuffmarks:ey can be treated in an emergency with a small amount of toothpaste on a damp rag, and then wiped.

Tips:
1. Always shine your shoes when you first buy them and before you wear them, then shine them on a regular schedule after that. Preventive maintenance my friend

2. Keep shoetrees in your shoes when you're not wearing them. It'll keep the shoe's shape, and prevent it from shrinking (which leather is prone to do). Also, it's a good idea to but the shoetrees in immediately when you take your feet out. The trees will do more good if the leather is warm and moist from use than if it isn't.

3. Moisture protection is a must. Mink oil will waterproof and preserve the shoe, but it can darken lighter shades of leathers. Silicone spray provides water protection and doesn't alter the color. Shoe care

4. A stain protective spray for leather is for protection. It is not a substitute for polish, but it is is still a pretty good idea to keep it on hand.

5. Remember: A proper polishing can make cheap shoes look expensive- and expensive ones look as pricey as they are.

6. Aim to shine about once a week: There isn't a hard and fast rule, but your shoes should be pristine at all times

7. Use a soft brush to remove any surface dirt: It'll protect the shoe. Then apply a neutral color cream, such as Meltonian Cream, to restore the leather's essential oils. You can get away with not using this and going straight to the policy, but the cream is the life preserver. The polish is the aesthetic element.

8. To remove the wax in difficult areas, such as between stitches, use a toothbrush.

9. Go for a beeswax polish: it'll give you a higher shine. Cover the forefinger of your writing hand in a cloth. Use it to take up the polish, and in a circular motion apply the polish on the surface of the shoe. Repeat until you get the desired effect. And please...put some muscle into the job.

10. Ultimately, though, there's nothing like a professional shine: shoe polishing is an art. Many professionals spend between forty minutes and an hour on a pair. If you do it yourself, it takes five minutes. That's the difference right there.

And there you go. All that I know about shinning men's shoes. If I'm missing anything please let me know and I'll edit what's necessary.

"But my heart belongs To Daddy" -Eartha Kitt

Questions from the readers

I recently was told that some people would like to hear about men's fashion and so forth. I love men's fashion so I'm more than happy to oblique. However, yesterday someone sent me a very thoughtful email and I thought it would be a good idea to do this instead of what I was originally going to post.

"I know that ties are all the rave in the men's world. I just recently bought a skinny tie with my girlfriend because she likes the way it looks on Pete Doherty. But I'm pretty clueless when it comes to what to wear with it. I'm used to regular ties. What should I do?"

Ah the question of the tie. So many of my guy friends, despite being male, have no idea of the various types out there. But I will not point fingers. Well my friend, this is going to be pretty easy and basic...but perhaps not so cheap. To wear a skinny tie in it's full regalia and trendy sense, you should go for a small-collar dress shirt (yes there are MANY different collars).

They key to a successful shirt-tie combo isn't just color and pattern; it's proportion too. So as slim/ skinny ties have grown in popularity several designers have responded with proportionally small-collar dress shirts. It makes sense, think about it: your tie and collar (and even lapels) aren't individuals-they're a team. They should be more or less with the same width. Remember balance is crucial.

Unfortunately, since it's not very traditional...the majority of the well made small collar dress shirts are expensive. I've searched and I've found some cheap ones on bluefly, but you must keep looking my friend. The shirts that Pete wears generally are from the Gucci and Dior homme collection, which are about $310. There's a reason why he's so trendy...and why he looks good. because he can afford it. Keep looking though, sometimes you can find great replacements. H&M sometimes has some great shirts, and Zara (though more expensive than your average dress-shirt place) have pretty cheap "trend" shirts.

Good luck my friend.



These are examples of shirts with "skinny-Tie" compatibility. And to show you what I mean, here are two great examples of the skinny tie-small collar-suit combo. one being right of the runway, and the other being in a popular movie scene that many people forget, but so badass (so the skinny tie isn't just for gay fashionistas). Enjoy boys!

Workout video

As many of you know, I have a weird fascination and an irrational fear of the undead. I had a few extra moments to do a quick search on zombies, to find out when the movie "World War Z" would be coming out (I will tell you what WWZ is in another post. For now it is an awesome book). One of the hits that I had was Linnea Quigley workout. I was curious to see what the scream queen of the 80's had to do with zombies and a workout. So I clicked on the link.





Ladies and gentlemen...I have now been traumatized.





At this very moment, in my mind, I hold a perpetual image of Linnea Quigley in her ineffably rad "horror Workout" video. After a nice *graphic* shower, Linnea does some warm-up stretches and then goes for a run. She encounters some flabby zombies who follow her back to her house, where she leads them in some poolside aerobic routines. Later she unwinds by inviting some friends over for a slumber party and some exercise...all in nightgowns. When something goes bump in the house, her friends begin experiencing an attrition problem.

Much to the disappointment of B-movie fans everywhere, this pinnacle of home fitness instruction has yet to be made available on DVD. The VHS cassette sells for anywhere between 50 and 100 clams online. Or you can watch it here. I warn you though it's not really "work appropriate" (depending on where you work), I suggest you watch this when you know that no one will be able to watch you (that way no one will also never see you attempt some of the moves).

weekend review

I know, a lot of people missed out on carousel Friday last week. Unfortunately I was tied up and didn't get a chance to update on Friday. Anyway, the start of a new work week.

Friday 3-14:
St. Patrick's falls on a Monday this week, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the Irish celebration. I'm not Irish (in fact I don't think I have an ounce of irish blood in me), but I celebrate St. Patrick's anyway, and I was raised a catholic so the saint is very well known to me. What better way to celebrate the Irish-ness of the holiday than going to an Irish bar. I was originally invited to go to a party that was being hosted at a club...but to be honest, after work...I didn't really want to go. I wanted to sit down with friends and just talk. So I went to a traditional Irish pub, sat down for some good Irish music (called McFadden's whiskey), and drank two gin & tonics (I know the last part isn't really Irish...but I leave it that the lime was green...and therefore I was justified).

I called up a couple of my friends, and waited for them to show. Unfortunately not all of them could show up, but I was soon joined by three. We were a pretty odd looking bunch. A just-got-off-work girl (that does not have light hair or freckles), a dark handsome man of sephardic-German-french decent...that could be anything...BUT Irish, and a small Korean girl. The only one that looked like he might possibly fit in was my fellow co-9-to-5er, who is pretty white with light hair and very Anglo. You know, actually I never thought to ask him if he was Irish....he could very well be.

We talked about an entire assortment of things, ranging from car accidents to zombies. It always comforts me when someone else is as perpetually paranoid about the future zombie invasion. Brian (the "Irish") and I discussed, in depth, what the best gun to have would be in the case of invasion and where we would go if it were strike that very moment. It was a very good night.

Saturday 3-15:
What a beautiful day it was! The sun was out and bright, making it a great day for walking. So that's just what I did; I decided to walk to a Thai restaurant for lunch. Apparently I wasn't the only one with this idea because while enjoying the company I was with and eating my delicious noodles, I spotted someone out of the corner of my eye. It's amazing how your brain remembers faces and relates them to events. The "someone" turned out to be two boys I knew when I was a freshman in college. I even went on a date with one of them. I was tempted to say hi, but frankly, I realized that I didn't really care that much. We were never really good friends, and the date wasn't that great. So instead of going through awkward silences I resorted to a polite wave, and a smile...as I headed out. I know some of you would encourage me to actually go talk to them...but I really didn't feel like it. It wasn't that I disliked them, it just that I could tell by the way that they were that they hadn't changed much from college...and we wouldn't be friends anymore anyway. I settled for what suited me.

After a relaxing and wonderful day, I was invited to the "Irish-celebration-movie-night" at my friend Collin's house. We all call his house "lazy-town" because that's exactly how to describe Collin and his roommates. It was enjoyable, but I only had one drink...an everbull (everclear + red bull). That was enough to last me for the entire night. However, one of Collin's roommates had two everbulls, and a very potent beer called "Lucifer" (I hear it's really good, I've never tried it). I leave you to imagine what happened after he ate an entire bag of old fries.

Sunday 3-16:
After waking up feeling a little queasy, but not really very bad at all. "Lazy-town" embarked to an brunch at noodles and company. While I felt fine and was actually enjoying the sun. The majority of the Lazy-town residents (and guests) felt...not so cheery.

I watched several movies, and bought some nice new sheets for my bed (450 thread count for only 40! whooo-hooo!). I also baked a cake. Yummmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things I love!

My apartment: It’s so homey to me now. It has become my favorite home from home.

Walks in the afternoon: the weather is getting warmer and it’s becoming more and more lovely to walk around outside.

My little palm plant: One of my co-workers gave me an extra miniature palm and I love it. I haven’t come up with a name yet…but I like looking at a change of color from the regular ol’ white.

My job: ok ok, so I don’t have an endorphin rush when I think of my job. But, it’s a good job and I like it. Recently it’s been making me happy and I can express at least SOME creativity.

Friends who know about taxes: Because lord knows I know nothing about it. It helps to have someone there to help explain why I am poorer than I originally thought I was.

New Pens: They make me happy. A lot like when I write in new journals, something about being the first to use something is very attractive.

Private sandwich shops: I’m not a sandwich person really. But if I DO decide to go get a sandwich, I try to pick the non-chains. They’re generally better and tastier. I found a good one the other day on New York Ave.

Random Food notes: A lot of my coworkers write notes to themselves and place it on their food in the fridge. If you pulled them out of context, they’re pretty funny. “Nuke 12” “pumpkin’s pizza”. You have to wonder about the thought process to go through that.

The internet: I love, love, love the internet. It is like mother’s milk, and feeds my brain…sometimes with good information, sometimes with junk.

Genghis Kahn: I know! A lot of people will give me gruff about this, but think about it. He did so much, and there’s so much more to his history than people think. I am still reading my book (that’s because I’m reading five at one time), so I haven’t really finished it.

My new journal: It’s not what I normally get, which is pretty much a BIG sketch book. But it was free and it’s not that bad. I can still do some drawings in it…but it’s much more of a notebook than anything else. I still love it though.

My laptop: I’m so grateful to it. It has lasted me for five years and is running low on its lifespan, but it has just served me so well.

Having minimal disabilities: there are several people that will say some of my genetic “impurities” are disabilities….and to an extent they are: if I’m not wearing my glasses or contacts, I can see…but nothing more than a couple of blurry color blobs. But I’m glad that I can at least see something. I was listening to a show the other day on disabilities. While I’m not perfect, I’m thankful that I can do so much.

P.S The picture with the girl perched in the door way….LOOK AT HER FEET!!!! Creepy?

odd gatherings

So when I go across the wonderful Internet, searching for various ingredients to add to my daily delectable treats for you, I sometimes come across things that are just so... well I'll leave it up to you to decide what they are. I've collected a few of them to show you. From me to you ;)

You’re proud of your maternal skills.Which is why when baby has a cold, you’ll want the Nosefrida nasal aspirator, a Swedish solution to kiddie congestion. Just hold the red end in your mouth and put the other end on your little one’s sniffly snout. Then, hold on, suction the mucus out. Gross? Kind of. But a filter prevents it from infecting you. Not really that appealing to me. Available online at nosefrida.com.

Journey to the land at the back of the closet, beyond the feathered boas and flannels, to the box of banished baubles. From high school-era Love pendants to goth spiked cuffs, every piece of jewelry from every ex languishes in a lack of a better home. At the shining new exboyfriend jewelry.com you can put it online and share your story with the world. Here, liberated girlfriends, wives, mistresses, and lovers have a free place to sell, gripe about, and comment on the gilded goods from trysts of old. Each posting asks for the scoop (which should describe the item and relationship), a description of the jewelry, and how the seller rates it. Seller sentiments range from “If it wasn’t weird to wear another man’s God jewelry around your new boyfriend, I’d keep this one” to “You could melt it down and make a cute charm.” Shipping and handling cost extra, but the emotional baggage is free.

I know Louis Vuitton is the king of putting their logo on everything under the sun, but this one takes the gâteau - In honor of White Day in Japan (kind of like Valentine's Day, except you can only give gifts that are white,) Louis Vuitton is offering white fabric roses - with the LV logo printed on a petal. I'm not sure if they're trying to take credit for having designed the roses (pretty sure the shape of these was a no-brainer,) or if they think the logo somehow makes them LV-approved, but I can't imagine anyone foolish enough to part with $39 for each one of these things when white bunny-shaped marshmallows from Kraft are so readily available these days. To me, this makes about as much sense as a double C-monogrammed ice cream cone or D&G fake nails.

The designers of the Terminator Sarah Connor Chronicles are def. sci-fi fans. Because they clearly stole the idea from the great (and old) anime series : Ghost in a Shell. Which, ironically, is also about the future and the creation of A.I.

You'll come across a few images and this one just makes me laugh...seriously? Trying to open the market from coke addicted models?

You have to love it when a big corporation (just like the series above) take something from another more "artistic" venue. I'm not saying that Nine-Inch-Nails is poor and starving, but still I hold more respect for the music than I do for the fast food chain...especially when they try and pass it off as "natural" and "free".

original NIN album cover on the left, and McD's on the right.

And that's it for now, but I will have more. I promise! What do you guys think?

A video could help your life

Well you did it again mes petits poissons, you have made my day and sent me a charming video. Where do you come up with this stuff?



No doubt I’m a jaded soul for questioning the the sincerity of Fred Spencer and his lovely wife Sharon. Then again, I was raised on the deadpan weirdness of David Lunch. In a hyper-ironic meme world brimming with Tims, Liams, and Sashas, it's impossible for this charismatic couple from Kelowna, BC to remain above suspicion. But... I want to believe!

What do you think? friends, or faux? Either way, what's not to love?

Time...expired

“Mom always said she wanted a parking meter with ‘time expired,’ ” explains Barbara Sue’s daughter, Sherri Ann Weeks, who along with brother Terry crafted this charming tombstone in Oklahoma. “And she wanted to be on the front row of the cemetery so she could see what was going on. … We gave her what she wanted.”

Some suspected Phtotoshop tomfoolery, but the tombstone has been verified by several newspapers and today by snopes.com. “These are true pictures,” wrote son Terry in response to a blog conversation on the website, where the validity of the tombstone was called into question. “Notice that she passed away on her 64th birthday, so the meter reads 64 year time limit. It is located in Okemah, Oklahoma. I KNOW she is loving the attention. She wanted to make people smile even after she was gone.”

Me personally, I can’t imagine I’ll ever have a tombstone of my own, though I can appreciate a work of art such as the above. By the time I die (if I die of natural causes), I imagine that the world will be so over-populated that spending on a grave plot is going to be something way too expensive and frivolous for me to ever inflict on my loved ones. Plus, I’m sure eventually someone will build high-rises over it which means that I’ll have to go back and haunt them. No, I’d much rather be buried in a forest somewhere, so that I can turn into trees. Or be part of paint.