It's friday! Everyone should be at least moderately happy. I have a few treats lined up for you this morning.
A letter to all the girls in the office: I got this letter from a friend of mine, and it's really pretty funny. I don't know if it's a real letter or something that someone typed up for the heck of it, but go ahead and read it. I made my morning a little brighter!:
"To the women who work in my office...I hate you.
Girl with the bright blond weave who works in reception- I don't know how you got your job, you are so uneducated that it make makes me sick. Did you graduate grammar school? I think I would respect you more if the answer to that is no. I want to throw a rock at your face every time I walk by when you are answering the phone and you say something like 'who you callin'for?' or 'he in a meetin' right now' or my personal favourite, 'who this is?' I bet the people on the other end of the phone want to throw a rock at your face too. I also can't stand when I get message notes from you that are written like so: "Mr. Smith called hes wanting to kno wen he shuld exspect the letter of aprovle". ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It amazes me that the only two things in your job description are answering phone and taking phone messages and you can't do either of those things!
Tall girl in design with short brown hair- you have horrendous body odor! I'm not talking a little stench here and there, I am talking every day when you walk into the building people drop dead. I don't know how you don't notice it. I'm going to buy you deodorant for Christmas.
Fat woman who works in suite 19- I don't know exactly what you do for this company, but I know far too much about your personal life. When you talk to your boyfriend on company time, please refrain from telling him it felt so good when he slipped his hard C**k into your fat a**! yeah I heard that, and so does everyone else that walks by your suite when you are on the phone. It's disgusting, and we don't want to hear about it, so keep your voice down.
Blond woman who works for accounting- I know that you are 30, not 25 and I also know that at the Christmas part last year you had sex with the boss' son in the broom closet and that he got you pregnant. Please don't insult me in front of our coworkers again or I will tell everyone.
Hot girl that works in sales- when you wear that brown skirt with the white flower on the bottom and you sit down, we can all see that you don't wear panties.
Boss' old receptionist- My name is not, John, Jason, Jack, Jim or Jared. It's Evan.
Middle aged woman who works in reception - your job is not that hard. You answer phones, put people on hold, and take messages. I don't care that you were up late cleaning the house or that you sat up all night waiting for your delinquent son to get home, that does not give you a reason to get rude with a customer, or walk around complaining about how your job is so stressful. Half of us come in still drunk from the night before, but we never yell at clients, bitch about our family members or say our jobs are sooo hard.
Pregnant b*tch- there is only one of you so, so no need for further description but let it be known that you are not the first person to ever get knocked up. You are not the first person to get heartburn, and you are not the first person to get morning sickness. You are not the first person to pee their pants because the baby put too much pressure on your bladder and you certainly are not the first person who has had strange cravings for cheese and anchovies. For the love of god stop complaining about it!
Little intern girl- You are so cute with your stringy brown hair, acne and braces but your coffee skills are lacking. All I ever want is a large black coffee but you seem to think that I would rather a low-fat latte, or a caramel machiato, or even a Chai Tea. nope I don't want those, i just want a damn black coffee12 Also you obviously don't know your alphabet because my filing cabinet is a mess. F does not come after R, sweetie. Do you want to flunk the class you are doing this internship for? No? you better shape up and get me the right coffee then!
Pretty girl who is head of the writing department- you are the only girl who works in this office that I can stand. you greet me every morning with a bright smile and a cheery hello. And you are so damn smart. No wonder that at 24 you are head of the department that could much make or break our company. one time I asked you the circumference of the earth and you actually knew it! Usually I would think that is weird and a little dorky, but form you I find it really hot. I also like that you are the only girl in the company that hasn't slept with someone that works with us. But for the record, if you slept with me, I wouldn't respect you any less.
Hispanic girl who works in design. You wear way too much makeup. I hate that you draw your eyebrows on, and I'm pretty sure you have an adams apple and are a man.
35 year old secretary- you have two sons; a 20 year old and a 15 year old. Yet you dress like you are 16. I would be embarrassed to be your children. On and you look really stupid when you wear that plaid school-girl skirt with the white tights and hooker boots. This is an office...not a brothel.
Sincerely,
Evan"
Always a party when there are suddenly photos of you on the interweb right before your election.
Talk about a real treasure hunt!
Woman gets pregnant again after two weeks of already being pregnant
On second thought, maybe creating a Halloween scene that reenacts Steve Mcnair's murder scene wasn't such a great idea
Ah, what a good weekend. Very social. I went out pretty much every night, but it was during the day on Saturday that I fell in love. With Helen Mirren.
