Well I've given in. So many of you have sent me so many requests for a Valentine’s Day post. So I gave in. But let me tell you, this is not going to be some Valentine’s Day post which tells you all about my feelings. Rather, it's going to be a post about the science of love. Enjoy, and happy heart day. Also just as a side note I encourage all of you to read the studies that I mention, they are truly fascinating.
What rules attraction?
In general, you gravitate toward people like you. good-looking people tend to go for similarly good-looking types, and those from a particular socioeconomic background favor their own. Experts believe this happens because perceived equality contributes to a stable union. Well known actresses pair up with rock stars, for example, because such men tend to be as rich and famous as they are. But once you get past the bone structure and bank account and into personality attributes, opposites often attract. "We’re apt to falling love with those who are mysterious and challenging to us" says Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University. "This pull to another biological type could also be adaptive, if two very different people pool their DNA, they'll create more genetic variety, and their young will come to the job of parenting with a wider array of skills" hence my friends, survival.
How much do looks count?
Physical features are important to both sexes, but a bit more so to men. This is because most of the male brain is associated with processing visual information such as threats[1]. This is also true for women, but they show more activity in the brain regions that integrate decision making, which suggests they’re thinking about a little more than just how he looks.
Is love really blind?
Hmmmm…not exactly. However, once you’re hooked on someone, your vision gets cloudy. When you’re in a relationship, you’re well aware of the other person’s flaws, but your brain is telling you it’s OK to ignore them. Recent studies at the Wellcome Department of Neuroimaging[2] in London found that when romantic partners look at each other, the part of the brain associated with social assessment and negative emotion is relatively dormant and critical judgment is dulled. According to researchers, this mechanism may have evolved to help people stick together through early, sometimes stressful child-rearing stages.
Can love be addictive?
The answer is…Yes. Brain wave patterns taken from people “in love” mimic those of an addict bent on scoring their next fix[3]. Studies have found, for instance, that serotonin levels decrease by up to 40% in the newly smitten, causing some to show signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder, a condition associated with low serotonin-which is why you can’t seem to get the other person out of your head. Additionally, cortisol, a stress hormone linked with the fight-or-flight response, is released, so you’re constantly on high alert. Sound familiar? The brain also produces excess levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with addictive behavior whose activity increases when you expect to receive a reward. Gamblers and drug addicts experience similar dopamine activity. In essence you’re not supposed to be satisfied with the minimum, you’re supposed to be driven so you can win the person and eventually stabilize your inner chemistry.
When a relationship ends, you experience symptoms that are similar to an addict’s withdrawal. Your dopamine levels go down, so your mood suffers. The serotonin levels remain low, so your obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms may not go away. In response to these imbalances, risk taking tendencies go up. That’s why when you can’t have someone but you’re not willing to accept that, you try harder and become more extreme about it. Ironically though, many scientists like Fisher (mentioned above) say that this compulsive behavior may help you move on faster: either you win the person back or you drive them away.
What makes people commit?
Humans are hardwired to stick together. Intimate relationships trigger the production of oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals that have been nicknamed “cuddle hormones”. A mere touch from a loved one can elevate their levels, and after sex they flood the system. These hormones play an important role later on in the relationship…when you really begin to notice the other person’s flaws.
Why are some more reluctant to commit than others?
Gene variation may be partly to blame for this. Scientists at Emory University looked at the effect of vasopressin in two closely related kinds of rodents- the prairie vole and the meadow vole. Like humans, the prairie vole is one of the 3% of mammalian species that form monogamous pair bonds. The meadow vole doesn’t. But when male meadow voles were injected with a gene responsible for releasing vasopressin receptors, they immediately lost their wanderlust, paired up and settled down.
The number of vasopressin receptors is what most researchers think lay the foundation for commitment. Which in my opinion makes sense. Think about the “great long loves” out there. There’s something more to a couple that stays together for 50 years, and it’s hard to imagine that it’s just a question of compatible personalities or strict beliefs.
Does love make you more trusting?
Those “in love” do tend to see the world through rose colored glasses. An experiment at the national institute of mental health (NIMH[4]) in DC, found that subjects who inhaled oxytocin before looking at pictures of threatening faces had markedly lower activity in their brains fear centers. In addition to this a game in which subjects were given a sum of money to invest with a trustee, either in a lump sum or piecemeal, was set up. Anything given to the trustee would triple in value, but it was up to the subject to decide how much to turn over. Half the participants that were sprayed with oxytocin (the other half sprayed with a placebo) were twice as likely to turn all their money over to a trustee.
Why do people cheat?
I wrote an article on this a long time ago, but I never saw it through a scientific explanation. Attraction, romantic love, and attachment envolve three overlapping but separate brain systems. This means that it’s not hard for somebody to sexually desire one person, be infatuated with another, and still want to spend the rest of his or her life with a third. Because kind of love serves a unique need and exists in a different context, cheaters are able to divide their emotional resources. So what makes one more likely to cheat than the other? The answers are both inconsistent and varied. I suspect that the propensity to stray may be stronger in people who have novelty-seeking, sopamine sensitive personalities (basically addictive personalities). But there are other factors unique to the relationship-a need for attention, a desire to get out of the situation, everything I mentioned before are still likely to fuel infidelity.
Can love affect you health?
A study in Ohio State University showed that couples in good relationship tend to be healthier and happier than those that are not. Happily married couples report lower stress than single people, in part because they provide each other with emotional support in difficult times. Lower stress translates to better health and immune function. They say that people in conflict ridden relationships see that cuts and bruises heal more slowly than those that in a stable relationship. In a continuation of that study, breakups have been shown to cause physical pain. Subjects were involved in a virtual ball-tossing game. Those people rejected during the game showed activity in the pain area of their brains. This means, in evolutionary terms of course, that exclusions can be as bad for survival as a real injury, and our bodies know this. It’s part of the herd and pack instinct, if you’re alone you die.
What keeps people together?
Scientists say hormones, sociologists say hard work. I say both. Eventually the chemical activity associated with new love (high dopamine etc) dies down. This can range from 6 months to two years (depending on the initial rush). There are ways to keep the love alive, if you’re still interested at this point in keeping it. For men, sexual contact drives up dopamine levels. This is because men’s brain can only release those levels again with sexual contact due to the inherent nature of their desire to “populate” their species. For women, it is frequent physical contact, which maintain elevated oxytocin levels. Women are especially sensitive to oxytocin since it is a hormone that is linked to the “rear and raise” instinct. This is why holding hands, stroking your partner or any other kind of touch can create a feeling of attachment, and is the corner stone to her sexual arousal…aka foreplay. For both sexes however, novelty is essential, which is why you tend to feel so good about somebody after taking a trip or going through an usual experience together.
So there it is, ten reasons why we fall so hard, commit reluctantly, cheat for (or are cheated on) but are inclined to stay bonded forever.
What rules attraction?
In general, you gravitate toward people like you. good-looking people tend to go for similarly good-looking types, and those from a particular socioeconomic background favor their own. Experts believe this happens because perceived equality contributes to a stable union. Well known actresses pair up with rock stars, for example, because such men tend to be as rich and famous as they are. But once you get past the bone structure and bank account and into personality attributes, opposites often attract. "We’re apt to falling love with those who are mysterious and challenging to us" says Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University. "This pull to another biological type could also be adaptive, if two very different people pool their DNA, they'll create more genetic variety, and their young will come to the job of parenting with a wider array of skills" hence my friends, survival.
How much do looks count?
Physical features are important to both sexes, but a bit more so to men. This is because most of the male brain is associated with processing visual information such as threats[1]. This is also true for women, but they show more activity in the brain regions that integrate decision making, which suggests they’re thinking about a little more than just how he looks.
Is love really blind?
Hmmmm…not exactly. However, once you’re hooked on someone, your vision gets cloudy. When you’re in a relationship, you’re well aware of the other person’s flaws, but your brain is telling you it’s OK to ignore them. Recent studies at the Wellcome Department of Neuroimaging[2] in London found that when romantic partners look at each other, the part of the brain associated with social assessment and negative emotion is relatively dormant and critical judgment is dulled. According to researchers, this mechanism may have evolved to help people stick together through early, sometimes stressful child-rearing stages.
Can love be addictive?
The answer is…Yes. Brain wave patterns taken from people “in love” mimic those of an addict bent on scoring their next fix[3]. Studies have found, for instance, that serotonin levels decrease by up to 40% in the newly smitten, causing some to show signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder, a condition associated with low serotonin-which is why you can’t seem to get the other person out of your head. Additionally, cortisol, a stress hormone linked with the fight-or-flight response, is released, so you’re constantly on high alert. Sound familiar? The brain also produces excess levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with addictive behavior whose activity increases when you expect to receive a reward. Gamblers and drug addicts experience similar dopamine activity. In essence you’re not supposed to be satisfied with the minimum, you’re supposed to be driven so you can win the person and eventually stabilize your inner chemistry.
When a relationship ends, you experience symptoms that are similar to an addict’s withdrawal. Your dopamine levels go down, so your mood suffers. The serotonin levels remain low, so your obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms may not go away. In response to these imbalances, risk taking tendencies go up. That’s why when you can’t have someone but you’re not willing to accept that, you try harder and become more extreme about it. Ironically though, many scientists like Fisher (mentioned above) say that this compulsive behavior may help you move on faster: either you win the person back or you drive them away.
What makes people commit?
Humans are hardwired to stick together. Intimate relationships trigger the production of oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals that have been nicknamed “cuddle hormones”. A mere touch from a loved one can elevate their levels, and after sex they flood the system. These hormones play an important role later on in the relationship…when you really begin to notice the other person’s flaws.
Why are some more reluctant to commit than others?
Gene variation may be partly to blame for this. Scientists at Emory University looked at the effect of vasopressin in two closely related kinds of rodents- the prairie vole and the meadow vole. Like humans, the prairie vole is one of the 3% of mammalian species that form monogamous pair bonds. The meadow vole doesn’t. But when male meadow voles were injected with a gene responsible for releasing vasopressin receptors, they immediately lost their wanderlust, paired up and settled down.
The number of vasopressin receptors is what most researchers think lay the foundation for commitment. Which in my opinion makes sense. Think about the “great long loves” out there. There’s something more to a couple that stays together for 50 years, and it’s hard to imagine that it’s just a question of compatible personalities or strict beliefs.
Does love make you more trusting?
Those “in love” do tend to see the world through rose colored glasses. An experiment at the national institute of mental health (NIMH[4]) in DC, found that subjects who inhaled oxytocin before looking at pictures of threatening faces had markedly lower activity in their brains fear centers. In addition to this a game in which subjects were given a sum of money to invest with a trustee, either in a lump sum or piecemeal, was set up. Anything given to the trustee would triple in value, but it was up to the subject to decide how much to turn over. Half the participants that were sprayed with oxytocin (the other half sprayed with a placebo) were twice as likely to turn all their money over to a trustee.
Why do people cheat?
I wrote an article on this a long time ago, but I never saw it through a scientific explanation. Attraction, romantic love, and attachment envolve three overlapping but separate brain systems. This means that it’s not hard for somebody to sexually desire one person, be infatuated with another, and still want to spend the rest of his or her life with a third. Because kind of love serves a unique need and exists in a different context, cheaters are able to divide their emotional resources. So what makes one more likely to cheat than the other? The answers are both inconsistent and varied. I suspect that the propensity to stray may be stronger in people who have novelty-seeking, sopamine sensitive personalities (basically addictive personalities). But there are other factors unique to the relationship-a need for attention, a desire to get out of the situation, everything I mentioned before are still likely to fuel infidelity.
Can love affect you health?
A study in Ohio State University showed that couples in good relationship tend to be healthier and happier than those that are not. Happily married couples report lower stress than single people, in part because they provide each other with emotional support in difficult times. Lower stress translates to better health and immune function. They say that people in conflict ridden relationships see that cuts and bruises heal more slowly than those that in a stable relationship. In a continuation of that study, breakups have been shown to cause physical pain. Subjects were involved in a virtual ball-tossing game. Those people rejected during the game showed activity in the pain area of their brains. This means, in evolutionary terms of course, that exclusions can be as bad for survival as a real injury, and our bodies know this. It’s part of the herd and pack instinct, if you’re alone you die.
What keeps people together?
Scientists say hormones, sociologists say hard work. I say both. Eventually the chemical activity associated with new love (high dopamine etc) dies down. This can range from 6 months to two years (depending on the initial rush). There are ways to keep the love alive, if you’re still interested at this point in keeping it. For men, sexual contact drives up dopamine levels. This is because men’s brain can only release those levels again with sexual contact due to the inherent nature of their desire to “populate” their species. For women, it is frequent physical contact, which maintain elevated oxytocin levels. Women are especially sensitive to oxytocin since it is a hormone that is linked to the “rear and raise” instinct. This is why holding hands, stroking your partner or any other kind of touch can create a feeling of attachment, and is the corner stone to her sexual arousal…aka foreplay. For both sexes however, novelty is essential, which is why you tend to feel so good about somebody after taking a trip or going through an usual experience together.
So there it is, ten reasons why we fall so hard, commit reluctantly, cheat for (or are cheated on) but are inclined to stay bonded forever.
Sources:
[1] Brizendine, Louann. The Human Brain. University of California, San Francisco. 2006
[2] http://www.vislab.ucl.ac.uk/pdf/motherlove.pdf
[3] http://www.ncpg.com/addicted_to_love.php
[4] http://www.nimh.nih.gov/science-news/2005/trust-building-hormone-short-circuits-fear-in-humans.shtml
[1] Brizendine, Louann. The Human Brain. University of California, San Francisco. 2006
[2] http://www.vislab.ucl.ac.uk/pdf/motherlove.pdf
[3] http://www.ncpg.com/addicted_to_love.php
[4] http://www.nimh.nih.gov/science-news/2005/trust-building-hormone-short-circuits-fear-in-humans.shtml
No comments:
Post a Comment