Learning to let go:
In these times that we live in, the challenge of just getting through the day has made our relationships increasingly complicated. Breaking up with anyone in these relationship is never easy. Well kinda. If you don’t care about the person, then it is pretty easy because the lack of emotion towards that person gives you an edge. However, if you do have at least some respect for that person, ending a relationship is arduous to say the least. I was looking through my journals and photos of yesteryears and read all the trials I had in the past. Sometimes it’s painful to look back, but most of the time I don’t think I’d have changed a thing. But I really could have dealt with some situations in a better way, or could have healed myself faster.
In these times that we live in, the challenge of just getting through the day has made our relationships increasingly complicated. Breaking up with anyone in these relationship is never easy. Well kinda. If you don’t care about the person, then it is pretty easy because the lack of emotion towards that person gives you an edge. However, if you do have at least some respect for that person, ending a relationship is arduous to say the least. I was looking through my journals and photos of yesteryears and read all the trials I had in the past. Sometimes it’s painful to look back, but most of the time I don’t think I’d have changed a thing. But I really could have dealt with some situations in a better way, or could have healed myself faster.
The stages of a breakup:
Stage one: The initial break up process can include fits of crying, a great sense of loss, worry, anxiety and rage. There could be a thousand unanswered questions about what exactly led to the breakup. Past events and situations, either positive or negative, can be obsessed over. Guilt and blame are felt by both partners, no matter who initiated the breakup. Sometimes, if the relationship was torturous and difficult, there may be a sense of emotional liberation and relief.
Stage two: Once the first stage has passed, acceptance of the situation sets in, and gradually you become accustomed to the changed circumstances. You begin to focus on new concerns aside from the emotional turmoil that a break up can cause. The social circle that used to include both partners as a couple can shrink, and formerly mutual friends may drift away. This is…unfortunately going to happen. You can never have really “mutual” friends, that friend is always more loyal to one person or another. When you break up and that friend becomes distant, just back off, chances are you’ve been passed over for the other one. And don’t take offense, admit it, you’ve done it too.
Stage three: Recovery. You’ve accepted, and you’re moving on. You begin to actively reorganize your life and forge ahead into the future. You make new friends, set new goals and become more involved with yourself and your friends.
Personal Recipes and tips to survive a breakup:
Everyone is different I know this, but I go through my own series of rituals that ensure a quick and speedy recovery…for me. I don’t know if they work for everyone, but I’ve come to the conclusion that they are general sweeping points and can help others out too.
Communication: I’m a bit of no contact person, once someone is out of my life… I want them out. But some people like to keep in contact with their exes. I have a few tips for this. If you feel like you need to talk about what happened, talk about the problem(s) directly, without subtle accusations or reading between the lines. It’s also critical to avoid unnecessary arguments. Learn to forgive and accept that your ex has changed, and that now is not the time to try to change them into something you want. It’s normal for these conversations to be difficult, but don’t let the other get the best of you.
Journal: I write down everything. My disappointments, my fantasies and my feelings. Although it may seem superficial, every little detail helps. They make a great read later on in the future when you’ve settled and you can see how much you’ve grown.
Guilt: Don’t blame yourself for the breakup. Neither you nor your ex are solely to blame. Relationships change, and people do too.
Phone calls and pleas: This falls of course into communication but I think it deserves a section of its own. 75% of divorces in the US are one-sided. Unrequited love needs to be managed very carefully. If you’re the one being abandoned, no matter how many pleas you give to entice that person to stay will never change that person’s mind if they truly don’t want to stay. If you are the one leaving the relationship, your ex may call you, but you must be firm in your decision.
Change your routine: Lots of couples develop routines or patterns, now is the time to stop it. It’ll help you get over the relationship, and if the habits never really suited you, you can start afresh.
No Drama: Once the separation has become a reality, try to avoid bringing up old conflicts. Dramas, fruitless fighting, and arguing serve no purpose.
Being alone: Don’t resist spending time alone. Enjoy it. A person who knows how to be happy alone will be able to be happy in a new relationship. Do exactly as you please.
Friends: I can’t tell you how important they are. Usually, the friends of a couple decide for themselves which partner they will remain friends with. This doesn’t usually have anything to do with which person they think is right or why the pair separated. The friends of both partners will gravitate towards the person they feel the most affinity with. Never try to win over mutual friends. Those that stay with you are your sidekicks and it’s important to never let them go and be there for them too.
Sex:When you find that you are ready for some physical contact, try not to confuse the need for affection with the need for sex. You don’t want to end up disappointed, but let yourself enjoy sex. Give yourself permission to experience new sensations and express love in different ways.
Delicious extras:
Go out: You're single…why the hell not?
Take a road trip: Despite what you’ve seen in the movies, you don’t have to kill your ex-lover to go on a road trip. Just wanting to kill your ex is enough. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, depressed, crazy, bored, exhausted or all of the above, then hit the road. Road tripping (especially with friends) is like the ultimate brain douche that clears your head and leaves you feeling fresh. It gives you the chance to recreate yourself at any stop and to really find about who you are.
Date yourself: Hey think of all the benefits of this one! You never have to worry about the other person being asleep, or not in the mood. Never liking what you like, and never anxious or boring. How to start? Well ask yourself out on a luscious date, it’s a absolute yes so don’t be nervous. Wine and dine yourself in front of a mirror and tell yourself how ravishing you are, then…since you know you’re going to bed with yourself, seduce seduce seduce! If you need cuddle time afterwards whispered sweet nothings and then turn around really fast to catch it in the other ear
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